The Church
Wow, I just officially learned a lesson this morning in the fastest amount of time that I ever have before--more like a revelation.So, this morning at my church there was a visioning type meeting. I went there to drop Teagan off so that my mom can take her to music class, and I decide to stay and listen on in the meeting. But, it was at the part where they were in small groups talking through some questions. One woman was standing in the foyer with her baby just listening into the small group that was meeting there. So I stood there for a while beside her and I felt a little bit awkward. Before I knew it I was standing there alone because the woman had to go into the nursery to get something for her baby and I felt really awkward just standing there so I sat down against the wall. I was sitting there listening and forming my own opinions.
So then someone comes to bring Timbits to the group...doesn't offer me any...of course I'm on the other side of the circle sitting against the wall. Not long after, the group asks the woman standing ther (she'd come back) if she had anything to say considering she had just been standing there listening. Do they ask me? No. I felt pretty much invisible. So, I got up and went outside...and started crying. Sounds pathetic but it was just one more thing to my bad week. I just decided to sit against the side of the church and pray; if I couldn't participate in any of the discusions then I was at least going to participate by praying.
Sooner or later I went back inside and sat back down against the wall--it was much warmer inside.
After the small group part finished up, everyone went back into the sanctuary and talked about what they said in each group. I was sitting there and was thinking about being totally looked down upon. I knew that I just had to relinquish it and let it go. I was remembering our conversations that we'd had in missions training about dieing to ourselves and giving up everything to Christ. I knew that I had to just let it go and not be hurt by it. I knew that I had to just release my judgements that I'd been so quick to make about the church and how they'd felt about me/any youth because by me judging other people and judging how "horrible" our church was, I would be getting in God's way.
And then it hit me, that's exactly what the problem is with our church. That sounds kind of generalized, but I mean, I think that's what a lot of people struggle with and that's at least one of the things that get in our way as a Church body. We our living for ourselves and not for Christ's sake and we have to learn to die to ourselves.
After the meeting was over, someone came up to me and said that it was good to see me there and that next time I should be up at the mic. He also asked me if I'd consider doing a devotion for the annual meeting in February. Right away I was like, "No," and I said it extremely adamantly. Why should I do that if people don't notice me and don't want to hear from me...right?
As I was walking to the nursery to get my purse I realized that I was just a prime example of a lot of people in our church. In their past, they've been hurt by the church and they've held on to that. They've held grudges, held on to their pain, made judgement after judgement, and as a result of their past hurts, they've been completely unwilling to do anything--completely unwilling to serve.We get so caught up with ourselves--full of pride, past hurts, and judgement, that we don't allow Christ to work. I think as a Body, we have to humble ourselves, not only to be open and allow people to know us and care for us, but humble ourselves to the point where we are no longer living for ourselves...but for Christ.
posted by Amy @ 1:58 p.m.
1 Comments:
I agree with you hun and my old church was much like that too. However sometime we also need to be more bold in being included and not just let ourselves sit on the sidelines. Know that I am praying for you and miss you! -Sarah
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