Friday, June 30, 2006

Cow Petting



















Today Gavin picked me up with Court, Leesha, and Christina and we went on a search for cows to pet. We ended up going to a dairy farm and asking the owners if we can pet their cows. They took us into the calf barn, milking barn, and maternity barn. It was pretty darn neat. We may have looked like loosers, coming and asking if we could pet their cows, but it was so worth it. What a memorable field trip. :D

posted by Amy @ 10:03 p.m. 0 comments

True Improvisation



This was one of the last projects that I had to do for school. We had to pick a famous death or alive artist and pretend it was their birthday, making them a box decorated in their art style and adding five birthday items inside that had to do with the artist.

I did Henri Matisse. I planned ahead of time what I was going to put into the box but had no idea how I was going to decorate the outside. I had one little idea that didn't really work out but I just kept going and thinking of things as I went along. Now, I hate imrov. Eveything needs to be planned out and done in a systematic way for me, especially when it comes to school projects. This one however, prooved to me that things turn out just as well, if not better when I just go with the flow and allow the creative juices in me to get to work.

I was in my garage painting random designs, flicking paint, glueing pictures, etc. onto the box at like 11:00 the night before it was due.

And so, I learned two things. #1. Don't leave projects to the last minute, espcially if I have no idea what I'm doing for it. #2. Just go for it. :)

posted by Amy @ 12:32 p.m. 0 comments

It's Summer



It's definitely summer.

Above are some pictures from the song, "Just Around the River Bend," that I talked about a few posts earlier.

I went to the school this morning to get my report card and drop some things off. I was pretty happy with my report card and was happy to see everyone for the last time until fall. Well, maybe not the last time. Mrs. Sawyer and I got talking and she said I should phone her in Aug. sometime because she's going to be at the school and she wouldn't mind some company. So there's one thing so far that I have to occupy my time with over the summer. Most of my friends are gone and my family isn't really going anywhere.

This afternoon I think I'm going out cow petting and hanging out outside and stuff. I am going to jam pack stuff into July between hanging out with Gavin for the last few times, going to CHIC, playing ball, and moving. It should be busy in a good way.

Then tonight I think I am going to Faith Alive again with Ashley.

posted by Amy @ 12:22 p.m. 0 comments

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

On nights like these

When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name.

You give and take away, you give and take away, my heart will chose to say, "Lord, blessed be your name."

posted by Amy @ 10:20 p.m. 0 comments

Taste of Camping

First day of "summer" and I already had quite the battle with my tent.

So, I'm home with Nate and notice that the tent that is set up in our backyard has lost almost all of its pegs and is blowing violently in the wind. I had already been out there once to put the pegs father down into the ground with a hammer. But, that obviously didn't work. So I go out there again because this is exactly how our last tent ripped. After wrestling with it in the middle of the yard I manage to undo the rest of the pegs which is probably all of three and drag the tent over to the side of the house where there isn't as much wind. There, I take it down. It was quite strenuous, but quite amusing.

And seen as though I have nothing better to do...(and am procrastinating from packing) I decided to share this.

:)

posted by Amy @ 3:36 p.m. 0 comments

Monday, June 26, 2006

...and a Little More

Special little side note that happened after I posted the story of last night: Our neighbours own MD ambulance and he phoned to see if everything was okay. (After probably seeing that it came out to our place.) My dad told him what happened and then asked him how the billing thing worked and how we pay for it to come . The neighbour just said, "There'll be no bill." My dad protested saying that he didn't have to do that but he replied again, "No, we're neighbours, there'll be no bill."

Today was pretty good. I was thinking about the accident again quite a bit in the morning because I was retelling the story so much, especially just before going into the final. The final turned out really easy though, and I think I did well...definitely not going to give myself any credit for that one.

posted by Amy @ 1:02 p.m. 0 comments

Sunday, June 25, 2006

What a Traumatic and Memorable Birthday

*huge breath* This will be a long story.

So, last night it was my 16th b-day party. I had 13 people over: Heather, Ashley, Anna, Jenessa, Hannah, Robin, Andreea, Lorena, Brianna, Matt, Ethan, Chris, and Mike B. We were sitting around the campfire just hanging out and having pizza for supper.

After supper we decided to start the quads and let people drive around on them (on our property). Matt and I were driving around in the smart car, Heather and Anna were driving the one quad and Ethan and Chris were driving the other.

Ethan and Chris were going up on our hill in our front yard going toward the ditch. The hill kind of slopes down and there is a fence toward the bottom before you can get into the ditch. Ethan was driving and didn't know there was a fence there. He was driving pretty fast and started heading toward the hill that had a fence halfway down. Chris yelled and pointed that there was a fence just as he saw it so he turned sharply to try and avoid it but hit it, broke it, and went through it into the ditch on the other side. They flew off, the quad rolled, and then they landed on the ground.

Chris came waddling up the hill and weakly yelled to Heather who was on the other quad and said to get help because Ethan was hurt. Heather thought he was joking but went to go get my mom anyway as to not take any chances. On her way back to the house to get my mom she past Matt and I and told us to go over there because Ethan was hurt. I though, oh ok. No problem. Probably just something as minor as a rolled ankle or bruised shin. Wrong. Totally wrong.

I got to the fence and my heart skipped a beat. I saw the shattered fence with the quad and the two boys on the other side. I saw Ethan’s right let that was bleeding quite a bit and had a big hole in one spot. It was surreal. I got lost in the moment, just standing at the fence, refusing to go any closer. A million thoughts started going through my head. The most overpowering one being what my mom would do. (My dad was in Swift Current with Nate for a ball tournament, and my mom isn’t exactly the most calm person when it comes to things like this. There’s just something about a male figure in this type of situation.)

My mom got the fence and was panicking a bit. She went over to Ethan and after a few minutes of I don’t know what because everything was a blur, somehow our neighbour ended up over there too. My mom was going to get Ethan and Chris into her van and take them to the hospital but when she went over to Chris he was blanking out and couldn’t stand up. (He had sat down in pain, holding his wrist after my mom got there. Then he laid down.) My mom and Heather were saying really firmly that he had to get up and get into the van to go to the hospital but he just laid there and occasionally said, “I’m okay.” Then he started closing his eyes like he was blanking out. He and Ethan were both in shock and Chris was also fainting in pain. Then our neighbour, my mom, Heather, and the neighbour’s sons had both the boys held up attempting to go to the van. Chris was all limp and out of it (because when I was talking to him today in the hospital he said he didn’t remember this part at all) and tripped over a helmet and fell down again. They put Ethan back down, both of them are conscious and seeming to do okay, and they just lay there. My mom finally comes to her senses—I wouldn’t blame her for it taking so long—and calls an ambulance.

The ambulance gets here super fast and does their whole procedure. It was impressive…and I have a whole new respect for ambulance and other emergency people. But…that’s a side note. Anyway, they put them on stretchers and take them to the hospital. (Just to give some perspective, the ambulance didn’t even turn their sirens on as they went to the hospital, so it wasn’t horrendously bad.)

My mom goes to the hospital with them and their parents meet them there. Meanwhile the rest of us are back at the house and in the living room sitting around and talking. As time went on we started playing the piano and singing: a nice little sporadic worship time. I thought to myself as I was watching us all sing and worship and take care of each other like family, “Now these are the kinds of friends I have. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.” As I talked about in an entry before about my birthday and how I felt that it didn’t matter to God what I did or who I had over but just that I would let the fact that he loves me and is my Father be enough. It totally was enough. I don’t want anything more.

So, Ethan is able to go home at like 3:00am this morning with stitches in his really deep puncture, crutches, and still quite a bit of pain in his leg. (The wound was deep enough that you could see his muscle.) Chris is still in the hospital waiting for surgery because he had already broken that wrist twice before and this break was even worse. He needs to get a plate type thing put in.

Ashley and I went to visit him today. Heather, Matt, and Mike B. had all been there at different times to. It was nice to be able to support him and be a comfort to him. He said that he wasn’t really in pain. But it’s still not very nice to be cooped up in a hospital. The whole time the situation was happening last night, the only thing Chris could thing about was Ethan and if he was okay. As he was getting rolled onto the stretcher he said, “How’s Ethan doing?” It was inspiring.

I think that’s pretty much the end. That hurt recalling it all again in such detail and basically reliving it. I feel all shaken up again.
God’s hand was upon all of us and his presence was so powerful the throughout the whole experience. I mean, God’s hand is upon every situation no matter how it turns out. But, in this situation, God chose to have mercy on the boys and on everyone else and give us a special little miracle and for that I am indescribably grateful.

posted by Amy @ 8:13 p.m. 0 comments

Friday, June 23, 2006

Today

Well, it was obviously my sixteenth birthday today. :)

I woke up and went downstairs to the sight of a keyboard in the living room with bows on it and cards from my extended familiy on it as well. It was special and I'm super excited about it. I've wanted one for a while.

Then I went to school and got greeted with a tone of smiles and happy birthdays from friends and then wrote the easiest final in the world.

After the final me, Courtney, Leesha, and Kalee went out to BP's for lunch becuase it's Court's b-day too and we've made it tradition. That was pretty nice.

Lunch was followed by the year end award assembly at the school. That was good...and bad. It was good because i got high honours (an average above 90% and got the highest mark in the class, winning an award for that and 100 dollars cash. It was bad, though, because it was Tuesday (the official last day of school for highschool) all over again. Saying Goodbyes. Saying goodbyes to teachers that have meant so much. Seeing other teachers crying. Etc. Etc. Etc. Let's just say I was feeling rather empty again afterward.

In the words of Robin Schmidt: "Think new chapter, Amy. Think new chapter."

"I'm trying." I say with a knowing and happy smile but, underneath, a heart that is not at peace.

It was a good day. Really it was. It was a fantastic birtday, and I have gotten better at accepting all this change. It's still hard though. It always will be.

posted by Amy @ 10:14 p.m. 2 comments

Not just Irony


It is not just irony that I watched Pocahontas last night with Teagan. I had been wanting to watch it lately for some reason and borrowed it from a friend. I've been loving the Disney movies all over again, especially Lion King, and decided I wanted to watch Pocahontas.

Well, there was a song that Pocahontas sang, "Just Around the River Bend":

"What I love most about rivers is:You can't step in the same river twice. The water's always changing, always flowing. But people, I guess, can't live like that. We all must pay a price. To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing. What's around the riverbend. Waiting just around the riverbend.

I look once more Just around the riverbend. Beyond the shore. Where the gulls fly free. Don't know what for. What I dream the day might send. Just around the riverbend. For me. Coming for me.

I feel it there beyond those trees. Or right behind these waterfalls. Can I ignore that sound of distant drumming? For a handsome sturdy husband? Who builds handsome sturdy walls. And never dreams that something might be coming?

Should I choose the smoothest curve. Steady as the beating drum? Should I marry Kocoum? Is all my dreaming at an end? Or do you still wait for me, Dream Giver Just around the riverbend?

Just around the riverbend. Just around the riverbend..."

She is singing this because her father has just announced that he wants her to marry a man named Kocoum. She doesn't feel like she is supposed to because there is something bigger in store for her. She is saying that it would be easy for her to settle for Kocoum because then she wouldn't have to face much of anything else in life. ("Should I choose the smoothest curve. Steady as the beating drum?") As she is singing this she is in a canoe paddling down a river and the way she was doing this and the emotions that were portrayed on the screen like her passion to attack the rough river in her life, to go for the harder course, and to do the things that weren't going to be easy and that were waiting for her "Just around the river bend" were amazing. It was definitely God trying to get something through to me.

He did.

The road is not going to be easy. And that's the exciting part. There's going to be change in your life. Change that means I want to move you on toward bigger things. Change that will mean rough rivers and foggy roads. Closed doors that will mean others are opening. Change that means it's time for you to spread your wings and jump. Dive in. Dive in with me. Don't settle for less than the best. I have bigger and better things in store for you. My vision is unlimited and I have plans for you to prosper. Come away with me. Keep on keeping on. There will be change, things in you life will stop, people in your life will move on. Grieve, but let me catch your tears and hold you in my arms. I will lead you through the valley. I want to take your hand and attack the impossible, the difficult, the incredible, the indescribable...with you. Just…just trust me. You'll never be alone, and I never change. I have no turning. I am your rock, let me be your rock. Embrace the change, embrace my comfort, embrace me.

I almost started crying as I was writing that thinking about how faithful God has been and how much he's been teaching me. (The lines I italicised in the song are the ones that spoke to me the most. But, it just doesn't mean the same without the pictures to go with it anyway.) I started thinking about how I'm going to be sixteen tomorrow and, though it's only technically a day older, it's nice to be given a revelation like this over the past two days from encouragement from people and from God right before I turn 16. It's like a fresh start. A new year.

A year of change.
A year of exciting change that God wants me to attack with passion and with a willingness to be led by Him.

posted by Amy @ 6:47 a.m. 0 comments

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Father of Lights, you never change, you have no turning...

posted by Amy @ 9:43 p.m. 0 comments

Before and After

I got my braces off today! Before:




















After:






posted by Amy @ 9:09 p.m. 3 comments

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

___________________

(^) That's how I feel today. The hole? It just got bigger.

I feel so empty.

Looking ahead to next year, everything is so foggy.
One major thing in my life is gone.
And a bunch of little ones are too.

No Seekers. No grade 12's. A friend moving to a different school. Me moving up a grade.

Change. That's all it is.

I hate the last day of school...all of them.

I love friends that hug you when you're scared, sad, apprehensive, or just having a bad day.

I know:
- My vision is limited...I can only see so far and that scares me. But, God can see the rest of the way and he knows what he is doing.
- Endings mean new beginings; when one door is closed, another may be open...waiting...
- Change is not a bad thing. Doesn't mean it's easy, but it's also something that teaches us the most. It's a way of life and I can't hide from it. I need to embrace the change.
- To chose joy, for the joy of the Lord is my strength.

How's that for random thoughts...

posted by Amy @ 7:19 p.m. 6 comments

Friday, June 16, 2006

Life Update

Only two days left of school, and then a week of exams. *tear* I'm excited with the normal "end of school" excitement that is in the air, but at the same time I don't want school to end. Well...it obviously isn't ending. It's just a nice, long, two month break of not really seeing anyone. Sooner or later, however, it will be the real end...and every "end of school" year brings me closer to my grade 12 "end of school" year. Scary.

Yesterday I went out at noon with a T.A. that I've been getting to know. We wanted chocolate. Good times.

Exams start on Wed. next week. Also the day that I get my braces off. I'm super pumped about that.

My 16th birthday is on Friday. Also pretty pumped about that. One neat sidenote with that: For like 3 weeks now I have been driving myself crazy with trying to think of something special to do with for my birthday. "After all it is my sweet sixteen". I couldn't decide what group of friends/aquaintences to invite. See, I have this problem where I have maybe three close friends and half of the rest of the highschool pretty much is also a friend. So my dilema was invite just Heather for a girl, invite her and the grade nine girls that I get along with, invite her and the grade 10 girls, invite any of the previous groups with a smaller group of guys, or go all out and invite everyone I just metioned plus the rest of my class. It was driving me nuts because I bounce around and am so social with almost everyone that I don't really have a consistent group of friends.

So, I was in history class today sitting beside a friend who had his ipod on. He said that I just had to hear this one song so I did. I wasn't really listening to the words, because it was a study period and I was studying, until the chorus where I made an effort to focus on them. They were: "Let me know that You hear me Let me know Your touch Let me know that You love me Let that be enough." Then the next words were: "It's my birthday tomorrow No one here could know I was born this Thursday 22 years ago." I'm obviously not turning 22 but it hit me in a super good way and was a total slap in the face. It doesn't matter what I do for my birthday. (which I was just asking God about last night coincidently enough) All that matters is that I get to live in relationship with him...and that should be enough. Lord, let that be enough.

My back has been hurting. If feels tense all the time. So I crack it. Then it feels worse.

We are having a garage sale this weekend because we are moving in about 4 weeks. It should be interesting. Long. Boring. And a lot of work. Are also thoughts that come to mind. Then I have to go and babysit in the evening for kids that are really hyper.

My dad makes me really angry sometimes. Boiling anger earlier today. Turned on the radio. "Grace Like Rain" was playing. It made me smile.

The other night, about a week ago, my midterm, history, reasearch paper was due. Oddly enough, my internet wasn't working, printer wasn't working and we couldn't find any floppys. On top of that I was rushing out the door to a ball game. I tried phoning around to see if I could come to someone's house after ball to finish it (getting the reference page together which I needed the internet for, editing the paper, then printing it). I got a hold of someone but in order to get my already written paper we needed to figure out how to get in on a CD. By this point I'm freaking out, my dad and I are furious at each other and I'm almost late for ball.

We end up getting it all onto a CD and figured out. I climb into the truck with my ball stuff all ready and say to myself, out of the blue, "Now I'm going to get in a car accident and die and it's all going to be for nothing." I don't know what made me say that to myself or why I even thought it but I realized that that was totally the point. I shouldn't have allowed school work to get the better of me, make me so mad, and make me so stressed. When it does it means I need to look at my motives behind it all. Why am I doing what I'm doing? Who am I living for? What's the point of life?

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

posted by Amy @ 10:21 p.m. 0 comments

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Of Mice and Men - Steinbeck

I read, "Of Mice and Men," today (started and finished it) for our novel study at school. I don't exactly know what to think about it. We haven't done any studies yet so there are probably tons of things that I don't understand...but here's the extremely vague plot and you'll see where my one emotion of weirded-out-ness came from.

There are these two guys who are pretty good friends and the book is about them and then one guy is super big and strong but is really dumb and doesn't know right from wrong. so, to make a long story short, he ends up killing and woman then everyone is scared of him and his friend goes to find him.... then his friend starts off his speech saying that he's not mad...that nothing matters as long as they have each other. Then as he is talking and keeps encouraging his huge friend, he pulls out a gun and shoots him.

...And thats the end of the book...

It was sickeningly twisted but grippingly amusing at the same time.

posted by Amy @ 8:34 p.m. 0 comments

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Hole

The hole I spoke about a few entries ago that would be in me next year because of Seekers not happening is widening.

We had our last chapel today and dedicated it to the grade twelves. We watched a powerpoint of them, commisioned them with a Bible passage and prayed for them. There were a few tears, the whole graduation thing is becoming far too real far too fast. There are 5 days left of school and then a week of finals. After that, grade ten is done and the grade twelve class of 2005-2006 will be gone. Outta there. On to other things. No longer a part of the school.

I'm not super close friends with any of them--I'm kind of close with one or two through Seekers (Erica and Kendra--and especially since our experiences together this past year) but other than that I don't really hang out with any of them. However, that class of grade twelves has been such a part of our school that it is going to be indescribably different. All of the memories, all of the people...pretty much moved on. As I watched the powerpoint that showed each student individualy toward the end I almost started crying. Every single one of them has been so unique in their own way to our high school. I'm going to miss them.

So with that added on to the change of not having Seekers, let's just say today I was feeling a little on the empty side.

I'm pretty apprehensive about the change next year. The change of not having a few aspects that were pretty primary to my year this year. *anxious sigh*

You know...I guess this has been a running theme in my life lately. Change. I just have to remember that God is in control...and I have to be okay with that.

I know change is unevitable. And I know that one of the above--the grade 12's graduating--is also unevitable. But about the Seekers thing: even though I'm willing to be obedient to whatever unravels I really hope there turns out to be a yak in the bush. (I was talking to someone and saying how the leaders, in feeling like they're not getting the go ahead from God about Seekers, sort of felt like Abraham when he was asked to sacrifice Isaac. She said, "Oh ya. Well maybe you won't have to not have it next year then. Maybe God will say, "Hey! There's a yak in the bush. You don't need to sacrifice Seekers!"

I can only hope. But even if that doesn't happen. I know that I'm willing to spread my wings and take off on the new roads that will be ahead of me for next year...rough as they may be.

posted by Amy @ 7:14 p.m. 0 comments

Saturday, June 10, 2006

My Recent Explorations

One thing that I'm still processing and trying to sort out Biblically is the whole manifestation of tongues (and other gifts). It's not that I disagree with other denominations like pentecostal or foursquare, it's just that it's different from what I've grown up with and only recently have I been introduced to that aspect of the spiritual realm and stuff. It's not bad--it's good. I always love the chance to learn.

I've just spent like 30 min reading 1 Cor. 12 and 14 and already think I have a better grasp. I think it's wrong to try and be empowered to speak in tongues. ("All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines," (1 Cor. 12:11). It's not wrong to desire that manifestation and it's not wrong to be open to it. (That's where I am with it...open and partly desiring) but in the midst of the waiting, I need to be able to be myself and worship as me. As the person God created me with the gifts that I have. ("Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.....Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues[d]? Do all interpret?," (! Cor. 12:14,15,29,30). And also, this is what made me know that desiring to be empowered was okay: "But eagerly desire the greater gifts," (! Cor. 12: 31).

Also there was a verse that bugged me at first that said, "Therefore I tell you that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed," and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit," (verse 3). It confused me because I was like, Paul just finished saying that not everyone speaks by the spirit!?! But then I think that means that no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," and mean it unless they are worshipping with their whole heart and with their spirit...like unless they enter into worship and really allow their spirit to worship--whether it's in english or in a different tongue.

I'm done trying to do things out of my own power. Here I am God. Your servant. Empower me as you please, teach me what you desire, and mold me how you want. I want to live for you. I'm nothing without you and I'm nothing with you. There's no "I"...it's all YOU. I'm your warrior, in your army, fighting for you. I'm in the world but not of it, I'm of you. I praise you with all I have. Here I am.

posted by Amy @ 3:10 p.m. 0 comments

...And for the Rest of the Week

It was pretty hectic. Lots of assignments due and stuff. But it ended with a bang. ;)

Last night I went to a friend's church with her, Faith Alive. I think it's pretty much a pentecostal church. So, it was pretty different, but a neat experience just the same. It was really cool because even though I didn't really know anyone there (except the select few that I know through Seekers) it felt like a big family. The freedom to worship was super awesome.

I also found out last night that my ball tournament in Regina got cancelled because of the rain. That made my weekend.

But...as good as the ball being cancelled may be, that also means that I have to spend pretty much all day at home cleaning and starting to pack. Oh well, it's worth it. Maybe I'll get to go out tonight. And at least I'll get to go to church tomorrow...I don't like missing our church services, and I love seeing people. More family.

I'm begining to think I just have one huge familiy around me...
What a blessing...

posted by Amy @ 9:33 a.m. 0 comments

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Well Isn't that Friendly

I've decided that those little green flashing arrows on the traffic lights are quite possibly the most friendly looking thing I see.

posted by Amy @ 5:33 p.m. 1 comments

Sunday, June 04, 2006

The "WOW" Experience

Saturday morning we had a worship/devotion time. The leaders were a bit emotional because (even though the rest of us didn't find out until that night) they knew that this was like a windup windup. They announced that (as of now, not knowing what was going to happen) there wouldn't be Seekers next year. My thoughts about that I published this morning.

But as for Saturday morning: we did this exercise where we had pieces of paper with our names on them and everyone had to write something on everyone elses paper. At the end when we were commenting on it, Corey was saying how he hated receiving the encouragement because that meant that people were seeing what he was trying to hide. He is so closed and is never willing to show anything of himself, so in getting the words from others, he had to accept that they were seeing him. Then he started talking about other things like where he was in his live with having to be pruned and stuff. Then J.J. (a leader who you'd never really see this side of him) started crying. All the other leaders were already crying because they were saying how they just wanted to much to shake us and let us know that they loved us and shout into our faces how amazing we are until we get it. They had such a heart for us and were trying to get that across, so they were crying...and I was pretty much on the verge of tears. When J.J. started crying when encouraging Corey and then Corey started crying, I started crying. I think I was crying for Corey. I was crying because I wanted him to accept himself, get it, and show himself. I was hurting for him.

Then when we wrapped that up, I went to the bedroom where Erica was just coming out of. I gave her a hug and we both started crying pretty hard. I said that I didn't really even know why I was crying, and she didn't really either but she knew she was just feeling the pain of the other people in the room (whether it was one or all) and was interceding for them. Then I told her that part of the reason I was crying, I thought, was that my heart went out to her and I just wanted to let her know how amazing she was until she got it. So we just hugged and cried. Keng came several minutes later and joined our hug. The three of us (Lyn...a leader...was in the room too) stood there in each other's arms for about half an hour just weeping. Erica started groaning and shaking. I started groaning a little bit but kind of quietly. Keng was just crying really hard. There was one time when she whispered, "He loves you Ames," and then started saying, "Come, Holy Spirit, come," over and over again. It felt like the Holy Spirit was speaking directly to me through her. It was soooo powerful. It was neat how we were all perfectly aware of our earthly surroundings like occasionally we would squeeze each other and were fully aware that we were in that room together, but at the same time there was this super natural awareness of the presence of God/Holy Spirit. We just cried and cried and cried. It wasn't for ourselves, and it wasn't by ourselves...it was really us at all. It was the Holy Spirit and man did I experience him in a new and indescribable way.

Eventually we stopped and then talked a bit before leaving the room. It was one powerful experience. It was neat, too becuase the first Seekers I witnessed the whole interceding thing and during the last one I experienced it and got to be used by God. I'm so unspeakably grateful for that.

I'm feeling trained and equipped for the next year without the influence of Seekers. I mean, I'll still have most of the people around a lot, but it will totally be different. Change needs to happen, it's a way of life. And I feel ready. I feel like I need to just go out and boldly be a disciple of God. It's my turn to spread my wings.

As for today, however, I'm still just processing things. I'm still pretty overwhelmed and that experience is totally clear in my head. It's pretty neat.

posted by Amy @ 4:29 p.m. 0 comments

Don't Know What to Think

This weekend with Seekers at the lake was amazing. I had another "WOW" experience and there were lots of fun memories to go with it. But I'll tell more on that later on today. I have to get out the bad news first. They announced that as of now, there won't be Seekers next year.

When something in your life that has had such a hugely incredible impact on your life is suddenly non-existant for the future...at least as of now...it hurts. I feel empty, like I can't let it go. Change is good, but it's so so so hard. There's something in me for next year that I'm worried will not be filled as it was so amazingly throughout this past year. There's a hole there now...and I don't know what to think.

I...we feel like Abraham when he was asked to sacrifice Isaac. All the leaders feel God is not giving them the go ahead with Seekers next year. They feel like God either has s0mething new or wants Seekers to stop for other reasons. So, we have to be obedient. And being obedient is not that easy.

posted by Amy @ 7:44 a.m. 2 comments

Friday, June 02, 2006

A couple random notes

I'm off in a few minutes to Echo Bay (Shell Lake) for the Seekers wind-up. It should be a grand time.

And now for a couple of sidenotes that have to do with the happenings of today:

Side note #1. Lawnbowling is pointless
Side note #2. I love this weather
Side note #3. I detest group work
Side note #4. I love philosophy
Side note #5. I hurt for those hurting around me

posted by Amy @ 5:41 p.m. 0 comments