My Traditional New Year's Entry
This is my summary of 2008. :) - bought my grad dress - wrote my first departmentals for gr 12, term 1 - heather and brianne and I hung out together all the time and became really close friends - a very fun Blue Mountain retreat - basketball season with an intense coach. - grad plans not exactly going smoothly, but getting underway just the same - another family rough patch - fell into a school and life slump during the second term of grade 12, feeling hopeless and like it was too much work to care - got 1.5 hours of sleep before getting up and seeing the grade 11’s off to Bolivia - Maui! So fun!! - An amazing and very respected teacher had to leave SCS - started tanning in preparation for grad - GRAD! ceremony, pictures, and parties! (in May) and then my last days of high school and high school exams in June - got my laptop - got certified in CPR C and first aid - worked over the summer as a paddling pool attendant with the city and at DQ - Stephen Harper makes a national apology to the aboriginals and I got to witness it - Turned 18! - Had our after grad party at the Schmidt’s cabin and said official good-byes to our class - Karen and Mike come home for at least the near future - watched Gilmore Girls seasons 1-7. all of it. and then started it over again 5 days later. it is now my life. - Brianne and I got to go to Carly’s lake over the summer. Good times. - was promoted to supervisor at DQ - went to visit Briercrest with my parents, check it out, and meet peopl - went to Toronto with my family b/c Nate’s ball team made nationals; saw my first MLB game, the CN tower, and Wonderland! - mom started work at Oaksmith Interiors with a family friend - we called Brandon Shurr to be our pastor - started Briercrest. - got the gov. general award - got to be in college singers – definitely a high light of this year - learning about how I need to embrace questioning, wrestle with my faith, strengthen my foundation, and trust in God no matter how I feel - started becoming close friends with Aneca and Nicole, and pretty good friends with Megan, Lauren, Tegan, Kathryn, Melissa - finally some social consistency - Met my admissions advisor for coffee which ended up in going with him and a couple others to SCS for a chapel - car problems. twice. - went on a silent retreat for spiritual formation - bcrest had a day of prayer - got an A+ on my first college paper - Christmas musical! - had a really great Dec. with the girls on my hall I’m getting closer to, along with some of the Whit 3 boys. - home for Christmas! went to a bunch of parties with my friends, and enjoyed the Christmas season - had a new year’s eve party at home and welcomed the new year with fireworks that could give July 1 a run for their money Oh man, I just love going over my life every year and seeing how God is constantly working in me and through me, and realizing more and more his faithfulness. I still don't really like making 'resolutions' but I do have dreams and goals. I want to go back to Briercrest open and willing and in complete surrender. Ready to embrace whatever comes my way, ready to live to the fullest and continue getting closer with the friends I've been meeting, and ready to just go with God, be joyful, and live for him. I am excited about having another term of Briercrest now that I am settled in and know what to expect. I am excited about 4 whole months of summer. I am excited about moving back home and going to the U of S next year, and I am excited about life in general. Welcome, 2009.
Just to let you know...
The reason why I haven't exactly been keeping up with this blog is because I've started one that is just specifically for my year at Briercrest. You can get to it through my profile. Or if you want the URL it's www.amysoubolsky.blogspot.com
Sorting my Thoughts
You know. I would way rather be in a lobby full of people that are up for the morning -- eating, reading the paper, on their laptops, etc. -- than in a hotel room with my mother and sister who are both sleeping. There's just something about the life that is in the lobby. Especially in the morning. People are up and at it. and I want to join them and embrace the day. So, I sit here in the lobby of a Toronto hotel, staring at the people, eating my breakfast sandwich, thinking and journalling.
I haven't really felt like I've had time to think in a while. Or made time to think for that matter. I think part of me has been avoiding sitting down and thinking about the next couple of weeks -- because Briercrest is getting uncomfortably close. And I'm still excited and everything, but after talking with a few friends this past week about this coming year, it has made me start to think. Which, in turn, has made me realize that there is still a lot more thinking to do. I'm definitely the type that likes to feel mentally prepared. But, I don't think I will ever come to the point where I will feel completely prepared for moving away for a year. So, I decided this morning -- now that I finally got a chance to just sit and think -- that I will just head into it with my mind as open as I can get it. I will try to keep God out of any boxes or even any expectations. I will just take His hand and let him lead me into this year. At every moment I will try to listen for his voice, seek His will for me and his plans for my future, and let Him work in me as He pleases. No kidding I will be nervous. I will start getting freaked out any day now. I am restless and overwhelmed. But, I'm still excited. I'm excited with anticipation of what this next year will hold for me. Because even if some days are horrible -- even if months at a time are terrible -- I will know that this year is going to be full of growth and learning experiences. Especially if I'm open to it all. I will know that it is usually in the hardest situations anyway that I will grow the most. That I will grow with wisdom and grow more into the child that God has created me to be. That I will be more and more prepared each day to live my life for the Glory of His Kingdom. And I will learn things that I didn't even know I never knew. And I will be stretched in ways I didn't even know I needed to be stretched. And I will spread my wings and take off.
And the first way I am going to stretch myself is to stop thinking about it and just go with the flow. : )
we've missed it
we've missed itthe world is beginning to grasp it, but we, the ones who are not supposed to be of the world but in it to bring others to the Truth, have missed it.
it's not about the systematic theology and the routine
it's about selfless love
it's about he action, not just the head knowledge
but we're too prideful to open our eyes -- to lay down our agendas, take Him out of our pretty little boxes, and trust Him for the miracles that we have made obsolete by our own doing
we have been blinded by our own ignorance. by our own misbelief
they catch things that we miss. it's kind of backwards
whatever happened to the original church...from Acts?
whatever happened to unguarded (but not reckless) worship? Free (but not careless) worship?
they had all their needs met -- by others
they were one
and we're slipping
Just Around the River Bend
I am getting SO excited for the fall. Excited to meet new and hopefully lifelong friends. Excited to try out for vball. Excited for dorm life. Excited to learn interesting things and take theological classes. And basically just excited for independence.
It's going to be hard to not be living at home for an entire school year, and I will definitely get homesick. But, I know that I am going to love it, it's all going to turn out fine, and I will grow so much.
So pretty much, this next stage of life has begun and I'm off to live my life as an adult.
*spread my wings*
Find Your Wings -- song by Mark Harris
It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings
May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories
It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly
maybe its just not for me
Honestly, what is the point of life?
I know. From a Christian perspective, I know what the point of my life is -- to serve God, win people for him, love him, worship him, be his child, etc. Yes. I've read the purpose driven life. I know what my PURPOSE is.
But, honestly...in order to survive in our society we need to do well in school, do well in university, and get a well paying job that we'll have until we retire. Life has lost all meaning. It's been twisted. And the energy and strength is being sucked out of people.
I know it's not that extreme. It's just how I'm feeling about it. But, I've been struggling with this lately. It has come up especially today. I know that even though we are not of the world we are in it and we have to strive for excellence in all that we do, do our best in school, get a career that we'll enjoy, and all that. And most people are just fine with that cyclical pattern that never ends. School. Freedom. University. Job. Family and job. And all the lovely, beautiful inbetween things that God offers and blesses us with each day as we live our lives.
But for me, I don't think that that's where it's at. I feel like there is a huge scream inside of me that wants to break free from this routine. It's like there is a struggle between surviving within this society, getting a secure career, and going along with the routines while at the same time living my life following God, and between breaking entirely free, doing something entirely different, being involved with some type of ministry, and doing something that I am passionate about. Something that involves directly serving God -- no matter what the pay is. Again, I know that no matter what type of career I have it is serving God if I do it to the best of my ability and shine with his light and joy. I know that we are to serve God in every circumstance and to live with him in us.
But, for me, I am restless. For me, there is something more.
I will never forget the words a highly respected teacher said to me with tears in her eyes on the day we were saying goodbye. "You are passionate. The Lord is going to use that to do incredible thigns through you. You can choose whatever you desire to do and will do it well."
There lays the problem: What do I desire?
"Trust in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Maybe it's ok for now that only God knows what those desires are and just wants me to trust him with my future. If I desire to be in his will and to serve him and go wherever he wants me then I will be. On His timing. Not mine. Not my parents'. Not society's.
Another problem. What if I put my passion into the wrong things? Or... Is that even possible? We were told to list our accomplishments today in first period. The first thing I wrote was that I got high honours since grade 7 and highest mark in the class throughout high school. I stopped there and nearly ripped the paper in half. So what if I put my everything into school and get the highest marks? So what if I get a bunch of scholarships to university? So what if I do well in university and get a good paying career? What, really, will have I accomplished but a bunch of worldly things??
There has got to be more. I feel like the Toy that saved Christmas on that Veggie Tales movie.
In 2nd period we were saying to each classmate what we're "most likely to..." for our graduation page in the year book. For me they chose that I am most likely to be in school for 35 years. Again. Silent scream. I don't want my legacy to be that I am an intelligent and awesome student. I don't want that to be my life. For some, that is everything they could dream of. For me, that is not it. That is not where I want my life to be at.
So then that makes me wish I wasn't so determined and hard working when it comes to getting good marks in school and doing well. But then, that just comes back to being passionate. Which is obviously a good characteristic. Which can also be a weakness.
But how do I know where the line is?? So confused.
And restless.
With my life.
Stupid Groundhog
It is April 19. We got a pretty heavy snowfall last night, and are expecting an even bigger one tomorrow and Monday. In the form of blizzard. We got a warning that SCHOOL might be cancelled on Monday. In APRIL...and in SASKATCHEWAN. Nothing stops us from going to work/school. The beautiful picture of spring and blooming trees that I saw as I looked outside has returned to whiteness. I don't know if it is cold whiteness because I haven't even been outside yet today. I have no desire to go anywhere outside today. I've been at home with Teagan all morning and afternoon partying it up with my homework. Left to my disappointed and miserable feelings as I had to say goodbye to an important and highly respected teacher yesterday. But that is another topic. And it is probably one of the reasons that my attitude toward the snow is what it is...instead of me loving it, embracing it, and heading outside to take advantage of it. Because that would normally be the theme of any blog entry regarding weather -- even if the skies decided to empty it's precipitation in snow form in the middle of April. But not this time. Teagan asked me if we could go outside with our winter clothes on and play in the snow. I replied, "Teagan. It is April 19th. Under no circumstances are we going to support the fact that winter has returned, that the roads are horrible and I feel stuck, or that there is any type of snow to play in." Maybe if I deny it long enough, it will go away.
Awkward
I was out for supper with a couple of friends the other night and somehow we got on to the topic of having conversations. My one friend expressed concern that SHE might be the one who is a bad conversationalist and everyone that she can't keep a conversation going with can have fine conversations with anyone else.
I think it all depends on the person...both people; it depends on the dynamics of whoever is having the conversation. I can point out a few people in my life that no matter how much we like each other and have a good time together, we CANNOT keep a conversation going. And it gets awkward. I mean, I have one friend that is like family in the way that we can be driving or having a meal and not be saying anything and it is not awkward at all. We're perfectly comfortable with it. On the other hand, when you don't know someone very well, it can be sooo emotionally exhausting to try and keep a conversation going.
But anyway, what I was actually going to say is that I find it funny how you can be on an airplane or a bus with someone and sitting in silence is perfectly fine if you haven't said anything yet. However, as soon as you open things up and talk a little bit, it gets very awkward just sitting there in silence with someone who you have spoken to but really don't have much else to say.
Epiphany
Because of the lack of nothing to do over this fine spring break, (definitely NOT comlaining that there has been nothing to do; it has been beautiful) I have been left with my thoughts and have actually taken the time to hear them. Who knew you could learn so much about yourself in one week just because you are relaxing and being stuck alone with yourself! They pretty much all tie together, and I'm not going to get into the details of it all. However, there is one interesting thing, on a shallower level, that I will share.
I have a friend that can watch movies and, if they end without having justice served to all who deserve it, he will just burn inside with anger that some people got away without fair consequences. He values justice, not just when he watches movies, but in every aspect of his life.
I discovered that I am the same way with communication. I value it a lot. I watched a movie last night that left me kind of frustrated. A man and woman fall in love, have their little conflict which mostly resulted out of miscommunication, (like they all do) and the movie ends with them getting back together and saying how much they love each other. There was no resolution of the miscommunication and I didn't like it very much.
The ironic thing is, miscommunication was exactly what messed some things up just recently at school. And, my poorly communicated feelings didn't exactly help.
Oh well, that which is a strength and a blessing is also the mostly likely to be used against you...
Let it Go
The other day I was driving with some friends, and I saw an old guy smoking and made a critical comment about it. My one friend informed me afterward not to say stuff like that around the other one because her mom smokes and she is sensitive about it. I got all down on myself and couldn't let it go.
And then I realized that society is way too sensitive. I mean, there is a fine line of being sensitive and not saying things when you KNOW people are sensitive to something. But, I didn't know. Therefore, I could let it go at that. Also, though, I know I need to humble myself and not be so quick to critisize people. I am no greater than someone who smokes, or swears all the time. My attitude should not be so critical and judegemental. I know this is going to be an ongoing lesson as I leave my nice little bubble of a Christian school and get to know people in the real world.
However, I think that society is too worried about what other people think and about being polite. We were at another family's for supper one night and at the dinner table they picked up the food, served themselves, and then passed it on to the others. My trained response was to be offended and look down on them because they should have offered it to the guests first. And then I thought to myself, "Why?!" The whole serving guests first always just ends up in everyone sitting around the table and staring at the food for a few minutes until the guests feel unawkward enough to start putting food on their plates. The hosts of the dinner weren't rude about it -- they made sure we felt welcome enough to serve ourselves also. And at least by them starting we got to put food on our plates before it got cold with people staring at it.
Why do we always need to walk on egg shells for people? Everyone. Society in general. A guy's cell phone rang in church yesterday. Again, the trained response of everyone was to tense up and feel embarrassed for the guy that accidentally "disrupted" the service. But he really didn't -- and why does it have to be such a big deal?? We waste a lot of energy being sensitive to what other people may think and making sure we do things how they have always been done.
It's revelations like these that make me want to be one of those rude people that have no problem speaking their mind and being free with whatever they do. Now, obviously there are lines that should not be crossed because we are to love everyone and put them above ourselves. But, I'm talking about the little things that are made into big deals because we fear what others may think.
I think I am beginning to get what Jesus meant, to a certain extent, when he said that it is better to be like children.
| You Are the Thumb |
You're unique and flexible. And you defy any category.
Mentally strong and agile, you do things your own way. And you do them well.
You are a natural leader... but also truly a loner. You inspire many but connect with few.
You get along well with: The Middle Finger
Stay away from: The Pinky |
Looking Back on 2007
One of my favourite part of New Years is reading through my journal of the previous year and pulling out the highlights. So, here it goes. :)
-One of my closest friends started a relatioship with a boy at the beginning of 2007, they got closer, me and my friend grew apart, I learned a lot, my whole year had been pretty much taken over with this drama, and coincidently (or not so much) it is pretty much over now. I have moved on and lost a good friend -- but there is closure and time now for healing.
-struggled with family issues during the beginning of the year
-learned a LOT about embracing change instead of becoming bitter and trying to run from it
-learned about resting in the Lord
-found out Covenant Bible College was closing and that I would have to rethink my life
-found out one of our best teachers was pregnant and not coming to Bolivia with us
-found out that another one of our best teachers was moving to BC ...(see what I mean about the change ;) )
-renewed a good relationship with a friend that I had lost contact with
-started getting to know a few important people in my life
-friendship grew stronger with Heather and Brianne...after going through a few cycles of growing apart -- very positive thing for my life
-a mentorship relatioship ended
-went to Elkridge resort as a leader and got to know the yonger youth in my church; later started a Bible study for the girls
-last extreme, last Jr. High Jam, and last time ever being in the CBC building
-WENT TO BOLIVIA -- at took like two months to process and transition back into life at home
-KAREN AND MIKE CAME HOME FOR A MONTH
-dinner theatre, one of the best times of high school
-finished grade 11 with the highest average in my class, above 95% -- which later led to a $2000 scholarship to the U of S.
-started work at DQ
-started grade 12...oh boy.
-went to Waskesui, Winnipeg, and San Fran.
-started leading a high school worship team and organizing a few chapels for the elementary kids
-regretably finished my last season of high school volleyball and then started the intense season of basketball
-decided that I'm not doing a YWAM next year
-school got crazy but was followed by an extremely relaxing break, beautiful Christmas, and fun New Years in Edmonton
-found my grad dress
-in the last month of 2007, had a talk with a friend that was hard but brought clousre for me and freedom to move on, ended with a renewed perspective and immense gratitude for God's faithfulness
I love reflecting on the previous year and on significant things that have happened in my life. It is so interesting to look back and see how God's hand was at work all along. How even though there was pain, God was faithful, taught me tons, and refined it for the good. How life is full of cycles of friendships...with friendships that grew really strong in previous years ended, with lost friendships renewed, and with God providing as is needed. How time flies by SOO fast that it is incredibly scary and everything feels like it just happened last week. And how life is so rich and full of God's graciousness, guidance, and love.
I started to think about everything I wanted to accomplish this next year, the ways I wanted to change, the perspectives I wanted to have, etc. But, then I realized that if I set expectations up for myself, I will just be more worried about meeting them then just living life to the fullest. If I resolve to not watch as much TV and to spend more time in devotion, time will fly by with me feeling guilty and trying to set up every moment of my life exactly how I want it. I'm not saying that it's bad to set personal goals to change for the better and that it doesn't matter how much time you spend in devotions. But, for where I am at in my life right now, I know that I need to just rest in the Lord, let Him embrace me wherever I am at, and live life to the fullest that I can. Embracing every moment as it is instead of trying to change each moment to be something more perfect.
Happy New Year everyone!!
lonely
One friend, after all that has happened between us over the past few months calms down, has pretty much decided that she doesn't want to have to put time, effort, or energy into being my friend. It was hell for the first 3ish months of her new infatuation with a boy because she was pushing away and I was holding on. With everything that I had. But, I've let go. We're on good terms, but I've let go. And we're drifting apart because she just doesn't care.
Which sucks, because another couple of my friends are doing EVERYTHING together recently, and sure they still include me at times and I still have a good friend in at least one of them (who I've grown up with and will always be close with).
But, I'm lonely.
I want a friend.
A close friend. That I can talk about everything with and do everything with.
But, I guess that's where my problem may lie.
I have to make sure not to NEED that one friend and cling to her when she comes. Or comes back.
And make sure that my fear of losing people will not drive me to hold on.
Or I will not be able to have a healthy and strong friendship. With anyone.
But still, it would be nice to have a close friend.
It kind of sucks feeling so alone.
But hey, I'm not alone.
My best, closest, and most unconditionally/powerfully loving friend ever is in Christ.
And maybe he wants me to be content with that right now.
To receive Him as all I need.
Even though I want more. I want a friend. A true, close friend. A human friend. It's Biblical. It's important to have friends.
I guess that God knows what's best for me. In my life. For where I am at.
...and all I can do is trust.
even though it hurts
Your Grace is Enough
It makes so much sense -- when I take time to think about it -- that really, it is not my ability, my talent, or my power...and that's the way it is supposed to be. If I was really amazing at singing and leading my worship team, there would be no room for God. If I was confident in my abilities, I wouldn't have to rely on God and be empowered by Him. Things are going to work out so much better if I deny myself and surrender completely to God and His power in my life -- if I open up to Him giving me the ability that I need and trusting Him that He will. Besides, the less ability that one has in the first place just means that it leaves more room for God's power. And what is going to be better, our power or God's?And so I come. Willing. And trusting.
The Future
As I was driving to meet a friend the other night, I decided I should start thinking and praying about my future. Right now I am thinking that I'd like to do a YWAM for sure; the question is whether or not I would like to add one term of Bible classes from Providence College in Winnipeg(ish) in at the begininning of my endevours. I think it would be a good experience to go to Prov. -- any 5 courses that I want AND vball! -- but I kind of got scared every time I thought about leaving for pretty much the whole school year. I realized that because I hate change so much and am so against this whole "new chapter" of life that is going to be coming up soon, I have been thinking about plans for my future with the attitude of trying to hang onto as much as I can from this chapter that I am in right now. When I think about if I should just take 6 months to do a YWAM or to take the whole school year to do a term of Providence college and then a YWAM in second term, one of my reasons for dismissing the Prov. idea is that it would be too extreme of a jump from the different chapters in my life. I realized that by me trying to stay as close to home and involved with things here as MUCH as possible I will be missing out. By me trying to resist the change through not wanting to step out and through holding too tightly to the things here that are GOING to change, I will not experience everything that life has for me to experience. It's going to change...and I'm going to get a lot more out of life if I just accept it instead of trying to deny it, making sure that my plans don't get too extreme, or fearing the change. This doesn't mean that I will go to Prov. for sure, because there are still other reasons to consider. However, it does mean that the reason of me fearing Prov. because it would be like I'm letting go to much of how life is now, is not going to stop me from going.
Never-ending Cycle
And really, what's the point of this never-ending vicious cycle of living a busy and demanding life that never stops. We get up, rush off to our jobs or our schools, work our butts off during the day and have our breaks (such as noon-hour) be filled with more meetings and commitments that you have to run to, not having any time to breath. And then, we go home...or rush to another commitment before getting home much later than anticipated...only to have home meet us with piles of homework or work that we have to do on the side. And then we finally get to sleep...it's not a nice peaceful feeling when you're laying in your bed however because you're either thinking about all that you didn't get done, all that you have to do the next day, or the fact that you haven't spent time in devotion -- reading the Word or praying. But, I tell myself, I'll do it tomorrow because I just need sleep to give me energy to make it through the next busy day. And we both know that tomorrow it doesn't get done either. Once you finally calm yourself down enough to get to sleep, you wake up the next morning only to do it all over again.So really, what's the point.So frustrated with this busy society that we life in.
So frustrated that I have to make time for school, God, family, friends, homework, my job, and sleep all in 24 hours.
So frustrated that I can't find or make time to breath.
You're obsessed. And she's blinded to your obsession.
And it affects everyone around you.
And your friends--that aren't going to want to be your friends much longer.
I wonder if it's more than a coincidence that I just finished writing a reflective paper on my elementary years.Are you seriously going to turn this into a competition?If you do, you had better get ready for heartache....because we always lose what we try to keep on our own strength ...the things we hang on to way more than we should ...the things we have no business claiming for our own
worn out
Oh, if I could just fly away and be free. Alone. Not having to worry about working to make money to live.Not having to worry about taking care of my family or being responsible. Not having to worry about finding the perfect balance between socail life and family life without everything coming crumbling down.Not having to worry about maintaining friendships when they get difficult.I wish I could leave and it would just be me.And God.I wouldn't have to communicate with people in a way that doesn't bring misunderstandings. I wouldn't have to make other people happy or feel responsible for anyone but myself.Life would be so much easier.But I guess that wouldn't be the point. ...and that would make it boring.
Take My Hand
I part of a worship team that is going to be leading an intense worhsip event tomorrow night. I was feeling really bogged down tonight and I've been nervous for the past like week about what to expect, how to pray/how to worship, hearing God's voice, etc. And I realized that basically what it came down to for me was being afraid of disappointing God. Knowing that I'm going to need a few extra pushes and nudges to get me out of my comfort zone. Knowing that I do not have very much courage. Knowing that I'm pretty much in a David & Goliath situation...but also knowing that David was a lot more bold than I am feeling. And then God reminded me of the picture that I got at the first worship practice. He is not pushing me and trying to get me out of my comfort zone in that forcefull, wishful type way. He knows I'm scared. He knows this is new to me. Instead, He is right beside me and is going to go with me. Taking my hand and leading me into this new experience. Coming with me and being the patient God who will give me a few extra doses of faith, security and boldness.And then He reminded me of the song "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns. " Oh,what I would do To have the kind of faith it takes To climb out of this boat I'm in Onto the crashing waves To step out of my comfort zone Into the realm of the unknown Where Jesus is, And he's holding out his hand But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed The waves they keep on telling me time and time again "Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win." Oh, what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes To stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed The giant keeps on telling me time and time again "Boy you'll never win, you'll never win." But the voice of truth tells me a different story the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!" and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory" Out of all the voices calling out to me I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth but the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground and the waves they don't seem so high from on top of them looking down i will soar with the wings of eagles when i stop and listen to the sound of Jesus singing over me I will listen and believe I will listen and believe the voice of truth I will listen and believe 'Causes Jesus you are the voice of truth And I will listen to you"
Just Look
I was on the worship team at church yesterday. There is this lady in our church who is struggling quite a bit: depression, cancer, etc. My mom has been kind of a light for her recently and she takes her out for coffee and stuff. She (the woman) is just so...sad. And self conscious. All the time. I saw her in the congregation today as I was singing up front and just wanted to make eye contact with her so that I could smile at her and somehow show that she is loved and special and...just get God's love across to her. But, she wouldn't look at me. For like 2 songs aaand the announcements. As I was waiting for her to look I realized something. That is exactly what we do to God so often. He is always trying to just get us to take a minute and at least look at Him. JUST so that he can show us how much he loves us. And how much MORE than I could ever feel for the woman in our congregation. That's all he wants. Just to love on us.
life
Well, one week and two days from now my last year of school starts. Craaazy. The past while has been good. This weekend (Fri-Sun) my mom and I flew to Winnipeg to visit familiy and friends. It was a good time and I'm glad I had the chance to see so many people that I never really get to see. After much chilling with sweet people, a trip to the museum/science place, some shopping, folklorama, many delightful meals with more sweet people, an awesome church service at Faith Covenant on Sun. morning, and some quality time with my mother, we came home last night.This week, I am babysitting for some neighbours Mon.-Fri., 7:45am-5:00pm. It sucks, but oh well. It will be over soon enough and then school starts. Yay!
